The good time had by people at a concert can approach mythical levels. Sadly, there are those out there that seek to tarnish great things. Here is a list of the ten ways you could unknowingly be ruining a concert. If you do anything on this list: stop immediately as you suck.
Drink your beer from a pint glass.
- Beer makes anything better, especially a live concert. You know what doesn’t make things better? Having an open glass of beer while everyone else around you is flailing their limbs. You will spill your beer. You will have to shrug an apology and what’s worse: you will have wasted a beer. Get a bottle next time. They’re cheaper and their narrow opening makes liquid containment a breeze.
Record the entire thing on your phone.
- You are in the middle of what could be a transcendental experience. You more than likely paid a decent chunk of a paycheck on the night, and there isn’t a phone in the world that could take in the sounds and the sights the way your eyes and ears can. Put it down and enjoy the show. Youtube won’t miss your upload.
Brag about how you just downloaded the bands last album – just a little too loudly.
- There are two types of people. Those that download music and those that lie about it. Everyone snags an album every now and then, but bragging about it at the band’s show is a dick move. If you do this, proceed immediately to the merch table and buy an album.
Screaming the lyrics to the song you kind of, maybe know.
- Enthusiasm: it’s a wonderful thing. Especially enthusiasm for your current favourite band. Q: What isn’t wonderful? A: Probably your singing voice. It’s why the band is up on the stage and you’re projecting your rockstar issues onto everyone around you. Singing along is awesome but when you’re wailing the lyrics like a banshee into the ear of the dude next to you, you aren’t being awesome; you are being a dill weed. No one likes dill weeds.
Wearing the band’s t-shirt.
- It’s a totally cliché, but there is something inherently douche-like about wearing a band’s t-shirt to a show. I can’t explain it aside from the redundancy of the endeavor. Acceptable exceptions: band t-shirt from an ancient tour, or rock festival in which you were present. By no means should this be taken as “don’t buy band t-shirts”. Do … just wait ‘til after the show to put it on.
Not understanding the concept/social conventions of a mosh pit.
- Moshing is fun. But, like Dr. Pepper, some folks just don’t like it. So when you and your buddies start messing about try not slamming into the 98 pound girl. And, if you are the 98 pound girl, when folks start slamming into each other try your best to move out of the way. Shit can get real in a mosh pit, be prepared. And, if you’re an overweight, overly sweaty dude, don’t take off your shirt to mosh. No one wants to get slimed by you.
Creep on the opposite sex
- Concerts are just like real life, and, just like in real life it’s not cool to be a creep. When the music gets wild and out of control it’s not an open invitation to thrust at the fairer sex. Or if said girl is crowd surfing, do unto her as you would do unto your sister.
Shout out your favourite song in the hopes that the band plays it.
- There are these magical pieces of scribe called “set lists”. These are generally set well before the show. The bands do not, generally, deviate from them. Relax; they’ll play their biggest single but probably after the new stuff’s been played. Don’t scream your favourite song over and over and over again. Take a breath and cool out, you might find yourself a new favourite. Oh, and don’t scream a request for a song the band just played. Not cool.
Wear sandals or something equally ridiculous.
- If you think wearing sandals to a show where a ton of peoples are jammed together, dancing like maniacs while accidentally dropping glass beer bottles, you go right ahead. Just like you shouldn’t wear a sheet metal pant suit in the middle of a thunderstorm, you shouldn’t wear your Sunday bests to a GWAR show. Dress appropriately.
Act like you aren’t enjoying yourself.
- If you’re standing around slugging back beer and not making the slightest effort, then maybe you should just stay at home. Seriously. Concerts are all about the experience, and no one is too cool to have a good time at one. Dance. Drink. Smile. No one is too cool to have a great time at a concert.
